Envying Others

Why is it that our hearts have a special 'go to' place for envy? Why is it that sometimes our default reaction to the circumstances in other's lives is to be envious? What is envy even? Can we recognise it when we see it?

What is envy?

en·vy

1. a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions,et al

2. an object of envious feeling: Her intelligence made her the envy of her classmates.

3. Obsolete . ill will.

verb (used with object)

4. to regard with envy; be envious of: He envies her the position she has achieved in her profession.

verb (used without object)

5. Obsolete . to be affected with envy.

 So envy then, is a deep-seated feeling of unhappiness and resentment. The feeling that others have what you want; that others have what you deserve more. Envy is also wanting others to
not have what you don't have, because that levels the score. Envy is negative thoughts directed at the good fortunes of another. It is being sorrowful at another's rejoicing and wanting those good fortunes to go away so you can rejoice that they are going without too. But we are called to do the opposite!

Romans 12:15 - Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Envy is pure selfishness... or as the Bible puts it:

Proverbs 14:30 - A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot. {emphasis mine}.

Envy makes the bones rot. Sobering thought. Envy is like acid, eating us away from the inside out. It poisons much more than our thoughts and our hearts. It eventually starts to show itself physically, rotting our facial expressions and our words.

What does it do?

Envy caused Eve to eat the fruit; She wanted the wisdom that belonged to God. Envy caused the battle of Troy to unfold. Envy caused me to steal a chocolate bar in primary school. And it still causes havoc every day of our lives.

James 3:16 - For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

Envy destroys peace, relationships, families, friendships and joy. We envy because we believe that we deserve more than we have. But do we? Do we really deserve things more than others do? Why? Because we feel like we are better than others; more worthy; more sensible; more of a servant of God?

James 4:2-3 - You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

How often do we let envy cause destruction around us? When we want something we don't have we can easily 'murder' the person who does have it. We start to imagine all their 'bad' points, and how that disqualifies them from deserving their blessing. We list all their failures, all their inconsistencies, all their shortfalls. We now see a very imbalanced version of that person and that version satisfies our thoughts. Now they really don't deserve what they have, and in comparison, we really do! We murder their reputation mentally. We forget their good points on purpose. If that doesn't work, we may go on to being quite a pain to that person. Our envy might 'come out' in a moment of frustration. We start a quarrel and things start to slide out of our heads and into the real world. Relationships start to suffer....and we have even more to be envious about.

If you don't struggle with this, then perhaps this is your situation; Others envy you. And you rather enjoy that. Infact, life is one big game of getting others to want to be you. That is just as destructive. Because it is envy in disguise. Instead of envying others 'stuff', you covet their attention. You want their admiration. Same, but different, see? And added to that is a desire to get others to stumble. EEEKK! Let's not indulge that!

How do we overcome it?

So how do we put envy aside? How do we live peacefully and contentedly?

Romans 12:3 - For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

We need to start with a sober view of ourselves! We ought to think of ourselves with a clear mind and an honestly critical eye. This is no time for self-flattery, we need to be able to see envy for what it is and to be able to put a name to it when it occurs in our hearts. We need to take it seriously and strive diligently to put it to death. If you have received faith from God, then you ought to be able to recognise that you fell short of the glory of God....just like everybody else. You needed God's help for salvation and you need His help to keep that right view of yourself before your eyes!

We need to get rid of envy! But changing a vice is much easier when we put a virtue into it's place....

Humility; Contentment; Peace; Joy; Compassion; Love, just to name a few.

1 Corinthians 13:5 - Love is not rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

We can be a blessing to others by focusing on another's need, not coveting our wants. Being loving is not insisting that things be your way. It is letting things be as they are, even if it is not what you would have chosen. Overcoming envy is putting a rein on your emotions and realising that you cannot think thoughts unless you want them to make their way out in your behaviours!

"Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action; reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny." 

Practising contentment is also SO vital. When we are grateful for where we are, what we have and what we don't have, we are in a position to fight off envy and discontent. Realise that God will give you what you need and that you will lack nothing He knows you truly do need to have. Make an effort to remember that God's plan for your life is truly for your good. Do this by being in His Word daily and by coming to God in prayer.

Recognise your weak areas and put up necessary 'blinkers'. They are those caps on the sides of a horse's eye that stop them seeing unnecessary things and getting sidetracked or distracted. Put up blinkers. If you struggle with others having a perfectly kept home, then don't spend hours trawling on Pinterest! Do yourself a favour and log off and vacuum or something.

 Make peace. Apologise to those whom your envy has affected. Seek to restore relationships. Be a friend to keep a friend. Be compassionate. Realise that we all have things in our lives that we lack. They are going to be different things, but not one of us 'has it all'. Focus on our blessings, not our deficiencies. Try to meet another's need, instead of having yours filled. If you can't meet it, pray for them.

Lord,

You know that we are creatures prone to discontent and envy. Lord, help us! Help turn our hearts to you and your sufficiency for us. Help us lean on your grace to sustain us and give us our joy. May we store up for ourselves treasure in heaven and not on earth. Lord, we so often fail to look up and to look forward. We get caught up in the temporal moments of life and fail to count our blessings. Father, encourage us to remember that we have Christ, the greatest gift of all. That just as the man who found a precious pearl (the kingdom of God), sold all he had to obtain that pearl, so we too should view our redemption as the greatest possession of all. Help us to cherish others as you cherish them. Help us to consider others before ourselves and seek to be a people who meet the needs of others without a thought as to what we lack.

Amen.

*Merry Christmas to you all!*