If you were following my blog, you will have received a phantom post about my considering stopping Raising Arrows. I deleted it because I wasn't sure what to do. It has cost me in real life to do this. But I decided, that's nothing if this blog leads even one person to Christ! It is doing it's job if God uses it to save a marriage, encourage a downcast mummy or just makes someone smile. So I'm staying. And that brings me to this post. I want to clarify a few things. I am not part of any quiver full movement. I am not a fertility-is-all-that-matters type girl. I am simply standing up for the value that each child has intrinsically. Given to them by God, whether they are number 1 or number 15, whether they are a boy or girl, or whether they are 'normal' or need special help.
The world needs to hear that message!
But this message is for those sweet ladies who have no or few children. I want to say this: YOU HAVEN'T FAILED!!
The number of children we have does not determine
our holiness. Praise the Lord! You are not second rate. You are not letting down the team. You are not less of a woman.
I know this blog is about wives and mothers. But that is because it is what I know. It's what I do all day. But please don't think for a second that I forget you. That I look down on you. Or that I don't care. I do care!
God has a plan for us all. And it's all the same plan; redeem them, sanctify them, glorify them. That is not dependant on our marital or child status. It is dependant on Jesus. And Him alone.
Dear sweet ladies with no children,
I pray that God will fill your lives with peace and joy. I pray that He will give us all hearts that see his good plans and rejoice in whatever the particulars are; even when they don't conform to the plans we had laid out for our lives. May you be protected from discontent, and allowed to rejoice in God's total knowledge of your past, present and future.
May we accept ourselves and each other in the places God has put us. May He heal hurts, hear our prayers and humble us in His sight.
May God grant you forgiveness, when others make comments that may hurt or offend. May God fill your life with his love and security. May He hold you close when the lack of little ones makes you feel left out, left behind, left alone. May His shadow shield you from the darts of the evil one: making you feel as though God does not care, or that God is withholding 'good fruit' from you.
Dear sweet mother of a few.
You're not failing either!! You are not a lousy mum because you don't have ten! Sure the mummy with ten may have learnt a few things you haven't yet. But that probably has as much to do with the years of maturing it takes to get to ten children, as it does to raise ten children. So please don't feel like you are in their shadow!
Look at it this way: Are you the mummy to ALL your children? Is she the mummy to ALL her children? Yep. See you're even!
God has you at YOUR place of the road. It's okay to be there!! Just look to Christ and love your children. How ever many you have!
Lastly, dear sweet mummy with secondary infertility,
I know that is the hardest place to be. You want more children. But feel ungrateful. You've got one right!? You feel like it is selfish to want more, when some have none! But you really want another still! You also don't get much sympathy, because people think you want an only child. Or assume you can just be content and grateful and get over it. But that desire for more won't go away!
It's okay. You are not alone. The Lord is your God too. And he is always a soft place to fall.
As much as children are a blessing. (And they are.) The bigger desire we ought to have is contentment. God loves you because he made you. Not because you're very fertile. And he loves you just as much if he has closed your womb, or has not provided a spouse.
So ladies, despite whether you have ten children or none, you are a fully genuine woman. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise! God may one day grant you a baby. If he does, rejoice. If he doesn't, he is not forsaking you.
And please, dear mother of many,
Be gracious. Please don't become puffed up with pride. Please don't teach your children that only large families are blessed. You would be teaching them to judge.
May God be with us all. Amen
Sara
The world needs to hear that message!
But this message is for those sweet ladies who have no or few children. I want to say this: YOU HAVEN'T FAILED!!
The number of children we have does not determine
our holiness. Praise the Lord! You are not second rate. You are not letting down the team. You are not less of a woman.
I know this blog is about wives and mothers. But that is because it is what I know. It's what I do all day. But please don't think for a second that I forget you. That I look down on you. Or that I don't care. I do care!
God has a plan for us all. And it's all the same plan; redeem them, sanctify them, glorify them. That is not dependant on our marital or child status. It is dependant on Jesus. And Him alone.
Dear sweet ladies with no children,
I pray that God will fill your lives with peace and joy. I pray that He will give us all hearts that see his good plans and rejoice in whatever the particulars are; even when they don't conform to the plans we had laid out for our lives. May you be protected from discontent, and allowed to rejoice in God's total knowledge of your past, present and future.
May we accept ourselves and each other in the places God has put us. May He heal hurts, hear our prayers and humble us in His sight.
May God grant you forgiveness, when others make comments that may hurt or offend. May God fill your life with his love and security. May He hold you close when the lack of little ones makes you feel left out, left behind, left alone. May His shadow shield you from the darts of the evil one: making you feel as though God does not care, or that God is withholding 'good fruit' from you.
Dear sweet mother of a few.
You're not failing either!! You are not a lousy mum because you don't have ten! Sure the mummy with ten may have learnt a few things you haven't yet. But that probably has as much to do with the years of maturing it takes to get to ten children, as it does to raise ten children. So please don't feel like you are in their shadow!
Look at it this way: Are you the mummy to ALL your children? Is she the mummy to ALL her children? Yep. See you're even!
God has you at YOUR place of the road. It's okay to be there!! Just look to Christ and love your children. How ever many you have!
Lastly, dear sweet mummy with secondary infertility,
I know that is the hardest place to be. You want more children. But feel ungrateful. You've got one right!? You feel like it is selfish to want more, when some have none! But you really want another still! You also don't get much sympathy, because people think you want an only child. Or assume you can just be content and grateful and get over it. But that desire for more won't go away!
It's okay. You are not alone. The Lord is your God too. And he is always a soft place to fall.
As much as children are a blessing. (And they are.) The bigger desire we ought to have is contentment. God loves you because he made you. Not because you're very fertile. And he loves you just as much if he has closed your womb, or has not provided a spouse.
So ladies, despite whether you have ten children or none, you are a fully genuine woman. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise! God may one day grant you a baby. If he does, rejoice. If he doesn't, he is not forsaking you.
And please, dear mother of many,
Be gracious. Please don't become puffed up with pride. Please don't teach your children that only large families are blessed. You would be teaching them to judge.
May God be with us all. Amen
Sara
Beautifully written! Your blog is filled with truth & encouragement. It puts my mind in the right place & often changes my perspective. It gets me focused on God. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteThank you Alison xx
DeleteHello, Sara, new friend! I agree with Alison!
ReplyDeleteI saw you linked up your site on the Deep Roots at Home page, and I am so glad to ‘meet’ you. I love what you are doing here on your blog and hope we can follow each other to be a mutual blessing in the Lord ~ It is so much fun and encouraging to get to ‘know’ new like-minded gals! Grace and peace…
I would like to invite you to consider linking-up every Wednesday thru Tuesday on the Deep Roots at Home 'EOA'Link-Up. You can gain more exposure there. It would be neat to see you as a regular there each week :) I would like to feature this post on my "EOA' Link-Up next Wednesday if you would care to share it. I think it would bless many as it has me :)!!
Thank you Jacqueline! Yes, I would you to feature this article. I hope it can bless many many women!
DeleteI am glad to 'meet' you as well and I throughly enjoy all the things you are writing and doing with your blog and facebook page. They are always an encouragment to me!
Very glad you're going to continue your writing. You are blessing more than just one person each time, so I'd definitely say it's worth it. You're doing a fantastic job. Thanks for being out there!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I was surprised my situation of having none wasn't one of the 3 categories, but I was still very moved. People are just now willing to talk about what women like me are going through, and I've been waiting...
ReplyDeleteWe are actually also a product of a failed adoption after 16 months of having her in our home. Honestly, I feel like I am just barely beginning to heal after 11 years. But just this week, I decided the next time someone asks if I'm a mom, I'm going to say Yes, even though she doesn't live with us anymore. For 16 months a precious little girl called me mama. Thank you again, for being willing to talk with us.
Dear 'truly'
DeleteThe first category was to ladies with none sweet. You were not missed! But I shall edit it, so that it is more obvious. Thanks for highlighting that! God bless you and thank you got sharing your story!! I hope you are able to adopt permanently in the future.
One of my thoughts with this infertile process of mine was that it somehow made me less feminine, less beautiful. But it's not what we have or do that defines us - God makes us beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThere still is grief, being barren or infertile.
But, while I wait, I enjoy your blog - in preparation for my future children or the children I care for...
Hello Grace,
DeleteI'm glad you are enjoying the blog. I hope it is encouraging you to lean on Christ when there is grief about this issue. He is our solid rock!
As a single young woman who often gets the feeling that my single years are only building up to when I get to be married and have kids - and that I'm not fully valuable as a member of the church until that happens - I so appreciate this message!
ReplyDeleteThough I don't know if I'm infertile or not (having never tried to conceive), I feel as if I know the pain almost as well because I DO want children but cannot have them either. (Though it's not a fertility issue, it's a not being married issue).
It's such a good reminder, that while God may have blessed you with marriage and a large family - and you are growing in that blessing - it doesn't mean that everyone else is less-than or not doing an equally valuable work for the Kingdom where God has them right now too. Thanks again, so much, for sharing this important message!
Hello Amy!
DeleteYes, it is so frustrating when the church suggests that women who are not yet married or having babies are somehow 'not' valuable. That is certainly not true!
Thanks for sharing your experiences in this! It can be a hard road at times, but may God be with you in it and through it!